In Touch Ministries
May 10, 2012

Choosing to Believe

Read | John 3:1-21

Faith isn't something we can lay claim to because we were born to believing parents or have citizenship in a Christian country. Nor can we attain it by attending or even teaching Sunday school, though I've often heard such incorrect assertions. Instead, the following should be true of genuine believers.

A clear understanding of the gospel is essential for a person to believe and receive the good news of Jesus Christ. His death on the cross was the only sacrifice required to remove our sins. God offers His grace as a gift to anyone who will receive it.

A definite decision at a particular point in time serves as a sort of landmark of the heart and mind. People do not just slip into Christianity; faith in Jesus must be chosen. Believers are those who have made a deliberate decision to trust the Lord and follow in His ways.

A blessed assurance follows the clear-cut decision so that believers can be certain of their salvation. God wants confident, assured children (1 John 5:13).

A visible symbol of what happens when someone receives the Savior--namely, baptism--illustrates dying to one's old ways and rising to new life in Christ Jesus. Believers are to take this step as a public way of identifying with Him (Matt. 28:19).

A man or woman of faith chooses to surrender to Christ, embraces the Word of God, and lives fully for the Lord. True believers no longer muddle through the practices of religion out of habit, but instead worship and rejoice in a vibrant personal relationship with the Lord.

 
In Touch Ministries
May 6, 2012

Facing Your Fears

Fear is the uneasy feeling that we are inadequate. It is an alarm that goes off when we feel threatened. It keeps people from the attainment of their goals.

I’m not talking about normal, natural fears—such as the fear of falling or the fear of walking onto a busy highway. I’m talking about a gripping, paralyzing fear that is truly a spirit of fear. Paul wrote to Timothy, “God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline” (2 Tim. 1:7).

Let me give you an example of this type of fear. Imagine a person who believes strongly that the Lord desires him to take a new job. He starts with confidence and enthusiasm. Soon he realizes that has much to learn about how to succeed in this new role. The whole project begins to seem insurmountable and overwhelming. He begins to take to heart the criticism of others. He feels as if he is a failure and will never succeed at this new position. He says, “I don’t have what it takes. I’m scared of taking any more risks.” The longer that trend in thinking goes unchecked, the more he moves in to sheer panic until he just wants to flee completely. Fear wins out and he does not accomplish God’s goal for his life.


**This is also a good parallel with the experience of becoming a new mother or father.
 
Marriage is not primarily about finding the right spouse. It's about being the right person.

When you're single, you experience a range of contentment from low to high. When you marry, that range has the potential to become even wider in both directions. Greater contentment—or discontentment—can take place than in your single years.

If you and your loved one were unhappy as singles and expected marriage to fulfill your lives, you probably were greatly disappointed as your level of contentment dropped even lower. But if you sensed meaning and purpose in your lives individually and wanted to share them in a lifetime commitment, you likely experienced an increase in contentment. You might call this the Mine Theory of Mate Selection. You either find the "land mine" or the "gold mine" in marriage.

If you entered marriage hoping to finally find happiness in your mate, you probably didn't find it. Like a carpenter who may first have to remove the floorboards in order to shore up the joists underneath, you may first need to find contentment individually.

During courtship, people are often sure they've found the "gold mine." Both spouses-to-be tend to get excited about this wonderful, new relationship. The fireworks of romance help them act kinder, more selflessly, and more empathetically than they might when the fire fades.

We tend to fill in the gaps regarding the person we love. We assume during courtship that since he's willing to sit and listen to our feelings about life, he'll show the same concern after marriage when we want to talk about our frustrations. When he doesn't, we assume we married the wrong person.

In reality, he probably was not as wonderful as you thought he was before you married. On the other hand, he's probably not as terrible as you might now be thinking.

In his classic work, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm declares, "To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were just a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever."

Dr. James Dobson conveys a similar message in his book Romantic Love: "You see, [a couple's] love is not defined by the highs and lows, but is dependent on a commitment of their will. Stability comes from this irrepressible determination to make a success of marriage and to keep the flame aglow regardless of the circumstances."

When the two of you walked down the aisle, each of you became the right person for the other. Yes, you may look back and second-guess your reasons. But you entered an arena in which learning to truly love someone takes a lifetime.

Is your spouse perfect? Not a chance. Welcome to the human race.


She/He is Not the Person I Thought I Knew

By now you may have noticed certain "flaws" in your spouse. Before you married, you saw shadows of irritating behaviors, but figured you'd get used to them over time—or you'd get your spouse to change.

Well, you haven't.

There are primarily two reasons why you might want to change your spouse.

  1. You want to see your spouse replicate your actions. If you squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, or put the toilet seat cover down, you probably want your spouse to do so, too. It's easy to approach differences with the attitude that your way is the right way.
  2. You want your spouse to meet your needs. The more needy you are, the more likely you have a detailed agenda of what you want those changes to look like.
Which of these reasons applies to you?

Maybe you want your spouse to be like you. But consider the truth that many factors account for the differences between mates—family background, gender, cultural variations, temperament. God could have created clones if He wanted spouses to be carbon copies of each other. Instead, He wants you and your unique qualities to work with your spouse's unique characteristics.

It's a bit like vision. Close one eye; what happens? You lose depth perception cues. That's because you're viewing things from only one angle. When you look with two eyes, the slightly different vantage points of each eye turn your vision into a 3-D experience.

Instead of trying to make your mate "see things your way," you can benefit from having different perspectives. If you and your spouse view a situation from slightly different vantage points, you can blend those views and see things more accurately than either of you could individually.

Do you want your spouse to change in order to meet your needs? It's not unreasonable to want your needs met. But it is unreasonable to see your spouse as your private genie.

In Philippians 2:4 Paul says, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Are you as concerned about responding to your spouse's interests as you are with how your interests can be served?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to see your spouse change and grow. People are like trees; if we're not growing, we're probably dead. But you can only change you!

That doesn't mean there are no limits to what's appropriate in a marriage. You don't need to accept abusive behavior. Physical aggression toward a spouse is never right. Name-calling and belittling words also violate the God-given value to be reflected toward a mate.

What if you want change for reasons that aren't selfish?

In an effort to coax constructive change in a spouse, many resort to manipulation. They leave pamphlets or books around in the hope that the spouse will get the hint. Don’t take that route.

If you have a concern, take ownership of your feelings. Voice them honestly and respectfully. Sometimes expressing them in a note can reduce defensiveness and cut through communication difficulties.

Consider the case of Bill and Sue. For the first few years of their marriage, Bill saw their differences as a threat to his "headship." He tried unsuccessfully to "get her in line."

Finally Bill realized that his job was not to change Sue. He tried voicing his concerns constructively to her: "I know that there's been a lot going on for you lately, but I feel frustrated when clothes are left lying around the apartment. Is it something I can help you with?"

When Bill gave Sue the freedom to see issues from her viewpoint, he found that in the areas that mattered most she was willing to make adjustments. He also realized that many changes he'd thought necessary were not.


From Focus on the Family's Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Principles of Love

10/24/2011

 
I don't have a “physical” relationship with God, and yet it is the most powerful relationship I'll never depart from.


"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it."
1 Peter 3:9

I've learned that we should wait for love. If it is true love then let it be shown to us first. I'm casting all your offenses into the sea. I hope you can do the same.

Love is not a competition. Love does not think evil things. Love suffers long. Love is kind. Love is not envious. Love is not proud. Love does not behave unseemly. Love is not selfish. Love is not easily provoked.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing.

These things I have not just made up. These things are the love of God. The last two paragraphs are from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and 1 Peter 3:9 in the Bible. I wanted to share this with you so that you may take impart from this and benefit from it to prepare for the future.

"True love involves mutual enjoyment of each others company:
The physical expression is not constantly necessary.
And there should be more to share than just a body.
If you would take all the physical expression out of your relationship, what would you have left?
"

Try to withhold from emotional attachments we have made. Don't trust in strong romantic desires to guide you. My advice is to tend toward the intellectual and spiritual before the physical until marriage. A test of true love is to stop everything physical until marriage.

"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
Ephesians 4:32

Jesus said,
“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."
John 3:16,17

So you have heard the Good News from me. This is my prayer to you:

"So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honour and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins."
Colossians 1:9-14